uploaded all the pictures,
prepared to blog,
upbeat with the celebratory mood,
till i saw that.

goddamnit, i knew going to your blog was a huge mistake.
damnit, i hate you i hate you i hate you.
WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN SUPERFICIAL AND SHALLOW.
I HAATTEEE YOOOUUUU.
AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH
i dont even know why i bother to cry so badly over your disgusting ways

UGGGGHHHHHH.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT.
MY FEARS WERE NOT UNFOUNDED.
DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT.

each time i go to your blog,
i visit it with anxiety and apprehension,
finally today,
i've got the answer,
the answer i feared so bad.

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT.
i should have just not gone to your blog.
DAMNIT.
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.

now i cant even look at my msn list,
knowing that...
oh f it.

but thank you to the 7 of you who asked. you guys have no idea how much it means to me. although i never told you all what happened, but you all were still so supportive of me. Thank you, thank you for making me feel like im still loved in this world. Thank you for bringing me up on my feet.

To you:

you made me cry with this picture.

even though we haven been talking like last time for a long time, but i'll always remember the way you hugged me that made me cry. I don't know what was it in the way you held me, but it just made me feel like crying. thank you for being here with me, thank you for doing all these for me. thank you for this drawing, it means so much, so much to me.

haha and yes, thanks for this picture as well to cheer me up. :)

me.

you.

you.

Thank you for the rainbow. Thank you for your hug back. Thank you for everything. Thank you for such encouragement and support, all that you said throughout this conversation touched my heart, reminded me of alot of things you've said. Thank you so much, for always being here for me. It's like you aren't always here, but when I need you, you're just magically in front of me, telling me it's ok. Maybe you're able to sense when KFC is really out of business and on the verge of closing down. Thank you for always coming over and being the all time customer that saves the business. Thank you for always seeming to know when to come over, thank you (: I won't forget to suck in chances, if there's any. Thank you.

? says:
y do u hate me?

I'll never hate you. I cant even be thankful enough for you.

And you

Thank you for calling me when you knew I was down. But sorry I couldnt stay and chat because I was crying too hard to even talk properly. But thank you for calling me, thank you.

... says:
im here to lend u a listenin ear
... says:
thru the whole ngiht if u need one
... says:
what are friends for

thank you for being such a good old special friend. thank you for being willing to listen even though the last time was in sec 2 when we really talked and got emotional about it. thank you.

... says:
let me teach u smth
... says:
close your eyes ! think abt the unhappy stuff. than take deep breaths and count to 10
... says:
even if u wanna tear
... says:
let it down
... says:
u'll feel better

although this made me cry even harder, but thank you for advising me on what to do :) well, at least you tried. heh.

... says:
only people with real emotions cry
... says:
it shows how truthful you are
... says:
crying isnt a bad thing

thank you for trying to make me feel better. :)

and you

zz. says:
I LOVE YOU ! : D
zz. says:
why uhate me?
zz. says:
no but seriouslyy
zz. says:
what happened
zz. says:
which SOB or DOb did this to you >!

thank you for really trying to divert my attention when i told you i didnt want to talk about it. :) thank you for explaining what SOB and DOB meant. ( i still don believe you invented them yourself) thank you. (even though you kindda disappeared after that!) thank you. thank you for always saying the sweetest thing, thank you for always saying reptitions of "i love you", thank you for always shocking me with saying sweet stuff (then suanning me aft that). thank you for always saying im brainless (cos if i was smarter, i might not have talked to you cos you wont be smart enough for me! :P:P:P) thank you for always making me laugh and smile at the awfully nice things you say. :)

and you

thanks for trying to pry things out from me, and when i stayed adamnant, tried to talk about all the familiar stuff we once said together.

. says:
so what do the clouds look like tonight?

Thank you, it'll soon be fluffy cotton wool again ok? The gray iron lead would soon be replaced. Thank you for saying nice things that made me laugh. I like your sense of humour. :) Thank you realising that I've been trying to mask this all along, maybe next time when i laugh you'd be dubious. But, its as good as it gets. :)

and finally, you :)

yes, we'll go through this together. we'll be best friends today and forever. After four years, we're best friends together. I know how exactly you're feeling and i know you know how i am too. Thank you for finally letting me into your heart today, thank you for finally accepting me totally, thank you for finally being truthful to me. And yes you're right, I must cherish the next one because the reasons come with it and not because of the past. Thank you for enlightening me on that. Today is the first time you said such concerning stuff to me, thank you, im glad you've finally let me in. Thank you. We'll go through everything together ok? And you must always remember the two things you promised me ok? :)

I'm sad that this term's ending so quickly. But then again, I cant wait to get out of here and start a whole new chapter out there again. There's too much aftermath to stay behind for.

and well, you - the main catalyst of all

Well, I hate you. Hate the way you always seem to be able manipulate me so successfully each time. Guess its time i curb all emotions and just do what i ought to do and stop thinking so much. I'll survive this, I'll survive you. I won't be beaten by someone so shallow and superficial.