Today was my first Urban Life meeting.(it's something like a cell group, i think) So Urban Life is like a fornight thing, we go to the Urban Life leader's house to meet and we pray, worship, share scriptures and stuff. I know this is very not me, I haven't been going to church for like what? 5 years? 6? 7? And it's not like last time when I went I was mature enough to understand or anything. It was just going because it was Sunday and it's time for Sunday School.

But after going to Planetshakers, it's just so different. Moreover now that I'm all along in this foreign place, I feel like I do need alot of emotional strength. Alot of it come from friends and your encouraging emails, blog comments, msn messages and smses. But sometimes I just need an instant relief, someone to immediately hear me speak of my troubles and that is why I've started to renew this faith, strengthen this belief and just learn to believe.

At planetshakers, it's totally unlike any other church I've been to. Every time I go to church, I go with a worry, a sadness, a question but each and every time I leave, I find myself having an answer in my heart, leaving like a new person with a whole lot of strength. When the PlanetUni people pray for me, I really feel they know what I'm seeking, through their prayers I know God is speaking to them to tell me things I'm not hearing.

Like yesterday at church, Andrea suddenly held my hand and her hand was quivering while doing so. I thought she did so because she knew I was sad because of what the pastor was saying, because I could relate to what he was saying, because I felt that pain, so she was holding my hand as friend to give me strength. And after the service, she hugged me tightly and said alot of things to me. (i couldn't hear alot of it because both of us were crying and we were hugging each other and it was really noisy so i couldnt really hear) but i heard her saying "God loves you, he knows you're trying to open yourself up to him." And alot of others. But what's etched in my mind and heart is "God loves you" and that he actually knows I'm making this effort.

After church, she told me that what she had done, was all not her. She heard a voice that told her to hold my hand and being typical andrea, she even fought with that voice! Hahahha she argued with that voice that she didnt want to cos she think i'd think she's lesbian or sth. hahahhaha! then when her hand shaked, it wasn't her well. And when she spoke to me while hugging me, those words were from a voice she heard. It's just amazing.

Sure, I've had my doubts about his existence, about my belief. But planetshakers and people I meet there have proved me all wrong. Really.

Like today at UrbanLife, this girl prayed for me and she said "God knows the tears you've shed" and alot of others that made me cry badly because it's really what I've been going through and what was most amazing was that she said "I feel this really heavy weight on my shoulder and I know it's you Lord, wanting me to tell Doreen that.." It's just so amazing, there's no way she would have known. Everything she said in her prayer, answered all my questions and put a stop to all my doubts.

It just amazes me to know how God knows I'm trying so hard to accept him back into my life, forging an intimate relationship with him. I cried so badly because I felt so bad for doubting him, I cried because I now know that he had heard my prayers last night when I was kneeling by my bed, really praying for the first time in my life. And now I know, for every time I end my prayer with "Amen" he hears every single word, even words that I don't speak.

And I've so much to thank him for sending these people to convey his message to me, never allowing me to falter, always holding my hand like I've asked him to.

It's just amazing. I've never been this close to my spiritual side. Even now as I type this, I feel weird because I've never been like this. But this is a change I embrace with anticipation and excitement.

Anw, I love UrbanLife. It's just awesome. How I wish they could have it every week instead of every fortnight, it's just so amazing. Hahaha and one of the perks is that I could get a ride home from Jiaheng! :D because he has a car so he'll send us home :D :D awesome right, i think his is the only car i'd get to sit in in my whole year of Trinity. Hahhahhaa.

Ok it's really late now. Have school tmr at 11am. Pffts. Yay lucky tmr all lectures :D oh you know last night i had really bad stomachache, it was horrible lah. i couldnt sleep for an hour. plus i had my period so it was double the trouble omgzz. i hope tonight's gonna be fine. OH BTW, melbourne's freezing now. hahaha. but i think it will get cooler as time passes. :)

PS. Andrea, please don't be mad at me, but I signed up for the camp, the "beautiful women" conference just now at UL. Their persuasive talks of "life-changing" and "power-packed" and "moneyback gurantee" just won me over. And you know I've been trying hard to break barriers and I believe this is one step I've to take to get closer. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DON'T BE ANGRY :(

PPS. sorry for not blogging abt SG trip tdy! Another day ok? :P late liao lah!

PPPS. OMG BLING AND HUIWEN! I SAW YOUR EMAILS. SOO SURPRISING K! and yknw what huiwen?! your email was in my junk mail and i nearly didnt check it! HAHAHHA! since when did you even have that email address?! HAHAHHA! and bling ah bling.. yknw i had 14mails, but i opened yours the first because yours was in BIG BOLD "OMG DOREEN SUPERBLY URGENT!!!" or something like that and it totally freaked me out. wth lah! :D but hey both of you, thank you for both your emails.thank you for raising out points i've failed to see, and things i've neglected. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. it means hell lots and it made me feel really warm and fuzzy and LOVED (: will reply you all soon!