You know the phrase "out of sight, out of mind"? Yep, I realise I'm feeling alot of that nowadays. Now, each day I can't stop thinking of what's happened in the past while being at certain places or passing by certain places or being with certain people. Sometimes these memories of the past makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it just makes me confused all over again. Sometimes I'm really thankful that I went over to Australia because it has made getting over certain things much easier or forgetting some things that I want to much quicker. But then again I realise, that running away is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I wish I could sit down and talk things out, but why are some words so hard to say, why are there some eyes that are so hard to hard to look into? There are so many answers I need to know, but I can't find the right question to ask. Sometimes I wished some things never happened, sometimes I wish I can choose to remember things selectively, but then again, it's our past that moulds us to be who we are today, how would I be like now if those things never happened to me? But then again, I hate it when flashbacks of some things suddenly appear in my mind, I hate it when my mind starts backtracking to excerpts of the past, I hate to know that some things can never be the same again, I hate to know that what used to be mine would never be ever again. "out of sight, out of mind" reminds me of my very first, original reason of why I even left. And I ask myself over and over again, is it worth it? I don't know. I'm not certain of anything anymore. I left being certain that I could leave some things behind, now I'm not. I left being certain that I could get into my desired university, now I'm not. I left being certain that I would be much happier, now I'm not. I left being certain that I won't regret, now I'm not.

Each word said, adds on to my confusion.
Each question asked, fills me up with hesitation.
Each and every time, it gets harder to say no.
So stop asking me, it's getting harder to refuse.
Stop talking, because all the things I want to say, I can't.
Don't play tango with me,
Don't reel me in then let me out again.
Don't keep holding on to my hand if you really want to let go.

When I left eeling and theresa at vivo, when I hugged them, I felt like crying because I knew it was the last time I would see them till the end of the year. It was so hard to walk away, each goodbye always seems harder, more emotional then the previous one. It's getting harder to walk away from people you love so much, it's getting harder to walk away from people who mean so much to you. Each time I look into the eyes of my loved ones, all I'm reminded of is how little time I've left here. I started tearing when I walked away from them, I couldn't look back and wave as much as I wanted to. As I walked to the bus stop, I couldn't stop thinking of how the last time I walked this route was with belle and theo and how we were trying to figure out how to get to the bus stop. On the bus, I couldn't stop thinking of how belle and I slept like pigs but theo stayed awake. And of course, I couldn't stop thinking of how I only met belle so briefly and only spoke to her so shortly. And I missed her. This is so hard.

It's late, I'll blog about my picnic + outing out with bling and theresa tomorrow since I've got all the pics now. (: I miss them already, all the good laughs.