Hahahah ok alvin ho is damn funny to sms with :D

I've been using too much computer, gets me a headache.

Oh you know, ystd my mom and i were talking about next year. So she said "You're a big girl now, you've grown up already, go JC alr. Next time if you're not coming back for dinner, just remember to tell me earlier ok. If you want to go out, it's ok, just remember to tell me beforehand. But of course, I'd still be very happy to hear you tell me about where you're going and who you're with and what fun things had happened. If not, it's fine, you're a big girl now."

Ok, I don't know if you know about my family rules. Dinner is a huge thing in my family, everyone comes home and sit together and have dinner together. So everyone has to be home by 6.30 everyday. Since quite long ago, my brother hasn't been home regularly for dinner but it's ok with my mom cos he's grown up and everything so it's ok. So to me, it's actually a big thing that my mom says its ok if I'm not back for dinner. It's like she's recognizing the fact the fact that I've grown up, mature enough to sort out my own time, to trust me, to let me have my own freedom. It's something she has always been talking about since young but never giving me. Now that she's letting go her reigns of control, yes, I do admit I feel happy but I feel sad too.

The thought of her and my dad alone, having dinner together, only the two of them in that long, 12-seater rectangular table makes me sad. To think of how they'd be thinking of how boisterous the house used to be with my bro and I around, me refusing to eat more fish than my share, my bro slurping up all the soup in the pot and me overdosing on chicken and he always giving me his rice and how we give comments on mom's cooking, it's sad thinking of how lonely they'd be thinking of what was used to be.

I don't want that to happen. I hope next time even when I grow up, I'd still be back on time for dinner, I'd still be whining over why we're having steam fish (cos i hate that dish) or be super high when my mom cooks chicken rice, I still want that to happen even when I'm working. I'd like to be like my dad, no matter how tied up he is as work, he'd still do his best to make it back for dinner every night.

When I'm at melbourne, or even in sajc, it's sad to think of how my mom realizes she has no one to fuss around/about anymore, no one to have lunch with her, no one to curl up beside up her during her afternoon naps, no one to hear her complain and whine about small and big things whenever she wants to, no one to help her sms, no one to help her check her mail, no one to share a bowl of maggi mee with her, no one she could conspire with to do something.

It's not that happy an issue for me to grow up. I've grown used to post o levels, always being at home, not always being apart from my mother but I know I'd just have to get used to life in future. Everyone has to grow up.

Last night, I asked her if I could go over to Siufang's house for dinner on New Year's Eve. All she said was "Ok." I was shocked, so I said "Huh it's dinner leh." Then she said "Yah I know. Go lah." I am not used to this, I was prepared to answer her many many questions, I was prepared to even beg and whine abit because afterall, it's New Year's Eve. But all she said was "Ok." - no questions asked. It felt abit weird, like she didn't really care, but I know she doesn't mean it that way. I know what exactly she's thinking, and it makes me feel like I've grown up overnight.

Ok I don't know how come I ended up being so emotional about this. This really contradicts with my first sentence of this post.