[edit] Just hung up the phone with Roy. Wow, I felt like I learnt so much. He has helped me put my perspectives into position, helped me sort out some things that I've been confused with. I used to be very uptight about wanting to hear God clearly, wanting to feel him so badly that I get frustrated and impatient and it did falter my faith more often than it should have. But Roy told me to just enjoy this walk with God, to just make the best out of each and every moment with Him, don't rush things because he has his timings and plans for everything. He too taught me how to see God as a friend, a father more than just God-God. He really helped me much by putting everything into an alignment and it makes me feel like I can breathe and it also helped me see things that I've overlooked or even underestimated. Thank you Roy. :) [/edit]

How great is my God.

He never fail to amaze me. Today, just two hours ago, I was fretting over this pressing issue over something, about decisions I had to make and I called Andrea about it. Then we decided that I should call Roy about it, then Roy suggestested that I should call Adelene too about it but Adelene didn't pick up, so I called Katherine and she gave me guidance and advice and we hung up and I continued praying about that issue. Then suddenly I had this notion to open my notebook which I usually take notes on each sermon and events. And when I opened it, it re-confirmed everything that Katherine told me. :)

Ok, that's the compact size of everything, below is the extended version.

Tricia called me today saying that Jiaheng wants to do something different for this week's urbanlife, he wants to do a alter call. Basically alter call is like for the un-saved to be saved, for people to come to God, for those who don't know God to dedicate their life to God, to say the prayer to invite God into their lives. So Tricia asked me to bring my un-saved friends. So X and Y came into my mind, and afterwhile, so did Z.

However, I've once tried to talk to X about God and stuff, but X was really hard-headed about it, counter-attacked my every point and X was being really difficult to talk to and lets just say it didn't end on a good note, so since then it had been a sensitive topic. But on the fact that X and Y were the two people that came to my mind first, i think it means something, that I should do something about it. But I'm afraid, afraid to dig that unhappiness out again.

Then Z, I've also talked to Z about God stuff too, and she's interested as well. In fact, very interested. But there are some factors stopping her, some factors inducing fear upon her but I can really see and feel that she really wants to come to church with me, she's curious, she's interested and it's not like she has never been to God too. And if you ask me, I do think that her belief in God is actually stronger than when I first started out. But I haven't talked to Z about this for awhile and I don't really know how to broach this subject already. So I'm abit apprehensive too.

So at about 10pm, I started praying about it, asking God whom he wants me to bring to urbanlife on monday. Isit X and Y or isit Z? I prayed, worshipped, read his word but there was nothing, no replies from him. Although I had this feeling that it's Z I should bring, but I'm afraid that it's only because I myself know that it's easier to ask Z than to ask X and Y so I keep psycho-ing myself that God wants me to bring Z so I keep thinking of Z. So I got quite confused, quite frustrated, quite lost, quite direction-less. Then Andrea called me and we talked about it and we weighed through the pros and cons and decided that calling Roy would be good.

Roy suggested that I should call Adelene who is my urbanlife leader as well so that they could all keep me in their prayers. But Adelene didn't pick up her phone so I called Katherine and she told me that God can see that I'm already trying my best and that I should just leave the rest to Him and let Him shift in their lives. And she said that what I can do now is to pray for all 3 of them and God would let His will be done in His own powerful way. And she told me alot of others as well which made me feel so much better after that.

Then after we hung up, I started praying for the 3 of them and suddenly I had this notion to open my notebook. And I opened it and there it wrote in my handwriting,

"Don't try carrying all your burdens alone. God will help you, he'll share it with you. Don't overload yourself. Allow God to help you."

"You are at your best when you do what God created you to naturally do. Why walk with your legs when God has given you the wings to fly?"

And I started crying, because it re-confirmed everything that Katherine has just said to me. And this few weeks I had felt so dry inside, like God's not speaking to me at all, I didn't have any new visions, the bible didn't seem to speak so strongly to me anymore and I just felt so backslidden. But this is like a tornado of strength, a confirmation that I'm not forgotten and all my doubts should cease.

And later Roy is gonna call me to talk to me about some things and I'm really looking forward to that call because I know it's gonna teach me so much. I don't care if I'm sacrificing my EAP speech time to do this because I know God's gonna come through for me, again. :)